Tommy Johnson starts the day with a Silver Bullet on the doorstep of his offseason residence, aka his Subaru. Sam Morse photo.
JACKSON, Wyo. — A mountain town migration was set in motion Monday when 24-year-old ginger, Tommy Johnson, took to local classifieds to advertise his eligibility to commit to a suitable summertime mate — stable housing required.
The seasoned TGR intern, oriental rug expert and veteran pizza tosser said he was really excited to get to know someone intimately for "no longer than 3 months," as long as he can be assured of the ability to sleep in a real home a minimum of four nights a week.
The ad ran in a variety of Jackson Hole publications including the local newspaper, Buckrail, Craigslist, JH Media, E-harmony and Grindr, although as of press time, Johnson insisted he’s only seeking female respondents.
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“I’ll do anything for love,” the intrepid ginger told TGR during a Skype interview. “As long as it’s the type of love that I can bail on in September. And there's a roof I can sleep under.”
Koekkoek’s calls for affection came as no surprise to a plurality of Jackson locals, as recent summers have yielded River Rat invasions, construction of shanty village workforce housing, and a municipal relaxing of laws governing car camping on public streets. But the amorous lothario made clear to TGR that he’s not willing to settle for just any summer fling.
“Ultimately, my standards are pretty low,” Johnson explained. “I’ve been pissing in a Nalgene bottle for over two weeks now, and ever since a can of bear spray went off in my Subaru, everything I own sets my skin on fire. So, I think I’m finally in a place to be a great boyfriend!"
As part of the deal, the ad promised endless back rubs, shuttle duty up the pass, an unlimited supply of Pinky G’s pizza, and ecstatic sex lasting “well over 10 minutes.”
ATK
April 29th, 2016
Is this jerk for real??
Olaus Linn
May 2nd, 2016
whoosh
whatthechuck
April 30th, 2016
Go big or go home. Or to the used Subaru dealer.
DIGITALDEATH
May 4th, 2016
late model subaru
fail
AnnaKelly55
May 22nd, 2018
I would love too, too bad it’s too far.
HW1969
May 24th, 2018
Is he serious hahaha who would agree?!
joe root
May 10th, 2021
Rideshare driver is the only one I can do https://themultiplicationtable.com/
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